Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was born a porn star she said
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
