remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
