dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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