Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
