never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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