there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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