Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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