Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
