just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
