i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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