We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
