You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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