So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
