i was born a porn star she said
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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