If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
