I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
