no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
