Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
