he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
