i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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