The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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