Apparently you make a good broom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have already put on my inside pants.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
