I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
