Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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