Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
