If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i love accidental penises.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
