Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
