My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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