tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
