the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
