All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
