just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
