I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
