I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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