we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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