I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
