I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
