You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
