after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
