Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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