So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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