just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
