Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
