I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
