just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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