The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
last night I used snow as a chaser
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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