I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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