You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
