i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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