Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
