my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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