Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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