Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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