sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
