apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
