You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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