Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
