Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
