i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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