White coat. Heels.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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