Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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