That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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