I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who died my cat blue again?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
