I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
